The Night Is Dark And Full Of Sparkles: Overwhelmed

Tyler Knott Gregson poem

It’s the end of the school year and I’m burnt out, overwhelmed, tired, and emotionally exhausted. This school year has been so hard. When I walked into class on the first day of school, I was excited for my husband to come home, excited to build a life in Ridgway, and excited to learn how to teach. When I walked into class on the second day of school, I was exhausted, sad, heartbroken, confused, and unsure of what would happen next. Being single again, suddenly, was not how I’d expected to start the year.

I hiked my way to sanity in the fall, perhaps at the expense of really learning to teach although I think teaching was the only job that I could have made myself really show up for each day. My students made me laugh when all I wanted to do (if I couldn’t be on the trail) was go home, crawl in bed, cuddle Sprocket and cry.

As winter set in, I didn’t do a very good job of getting outside. I didn’t do a good job of exercising. In fact, a lot of the time, I didn’t do a very good job of feeding myself. It meant long gaps with nothing to blog about because how many times could I tell the story of how I spent my weekend watching bad TV in bed working on a quilt because anything else just sounded like too much. I didn’t want to write about how I fretted about how my one year teaching contract ending and where I was going to be for the 2015-2016 school year.
And ultimately, I was just sad. A lot. I was also angry: a little bit at my ex and a lot at myself.

Sprocket cuddles

I’d written back in January about being so hopeful for 2015, proclaiming #thenightisdarkandfullofsparkles to be my mantra. It’s still true: the night is still continuing a bit, even if the dark of winter is fading (and hopefully the metaphorical dark is fading too). But you know what? It’s still full of sparkles. And I’m ready to start bringing the light.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr.

Plus, in just over two weeks, it’s summer. My calendar is filling up with awesome fun events—many of which involve hiking and being outside. There are lots of things I have planned with just Sprocket and I but a lot where I get to meet up with some awesome people. I’m not going to be in Ridgway next year and that breaks my heart. But. I do have another teaching job lined up here in Western Colorado and I’ll just keep moving forward.

(I wrote this post during lunch. And then I realized there was no time like the present to start bringing the light so I took myself, and Sprocket, out for a hike after school. It was the best.)

8 thoughts on “The Night Is Dark And Full Of Sparkles: Overwhelmed”

  1. Hang in there, Beth! Life is sometimes very hard, but you have the right spirit and talents to prevail. Summer 2015 is almost upon us and great things will happen again. Glad to hear you have next year’s teaching position already lined up! Ridway’s loss is some other school’s good fortune. Always look forward so much to reading 3UpAdventures, you do a fantastic job. Keep the adventures rolling and give Sprocket a hug!

  2. I missed your adventure posts but I’m glad things are looking up for you. And, hey, I’ve spent my fair share watching bad tv this year, especially this winter. Life changes are hard.

    1. Aw. In a weird way it feels good to know you missed the adventure posts! Hopefully they’re back online with more headed your way.

  3. I too have known some very dark times without a glimmer of hope, except one–my beloved Homer. I’m not sure I would have made it without him.

    I’m so glad you have Sprocket with you to carry you through!! Give him an extra hug today and tell him it is from me! Maybe even give him an extra treat too, he’s worked hard carrying your burdens–a job that bring him the greatest joy any creature can have!

    There are people who care about you, you aren’t alone.
    Bob

    1. You got it exactly right: only dogs take such amazing joy from helping their pack. It just absolutely amazes me.

      Yesterday was just what we both needed: to wander around in nature exploring and just being together. I took a picture of him as we were pulling out of the house and a photo on the way home… 180 degree difference from sad to JOY!

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